| I dedicate this to Julia, and to Catlover. Thanks to both of you! I love you too. But I also dedicate to all of the other wonderful kind people on this board. You are great. You might be nuts, but I like that part especially. Never trust someone too sane.I am a patsy. I have an ingrained need to please people, and a while back, found myself ripped off and left with a rent bill by 2 roommates. Friends, who took my best things when they left. I do not know what would have happened had their security deposits not paid the2 month's rent bill so I could bail out of the now stripped appt.I signed up for a MLT course. Medical Lab Asst. Hoping to get a hospital job and go on for a better degree than a glassware washer. To sustain myself I signed on with Dr. Maya, who is a vet, running a clinic and large farm and store supply distribution center. Her practice is almost exclusively large dogs and bitches. For simplicity, may I call them all dogs? This was ideal as I could do a split shift, coming in and cleaning kennels, snowblowing the drive and parking lot and runs, or mowing grass and composting "stuff" depending on the season. Then I could go to classes, and come back to consume the paperwork.I had a perk of supper with Dr Maya. She would provide sandwiches, pizza, soup, salad, whatever and beverage. We'd talk about many things, sometimes personal, but she was always training me in vet work. Even suggested that I consider signing on as a sort of partner when I finished school. THE BEGINNING One day, I was helping Doc with a dog and admiring her sharp, clear no nonsense commands. Then she turned to me and used the same voice to command me to do something. I flushed with anger, and yes, with fear. Then a frission of delight. Our eyes met. Her eyebrow rose and a triumphant smile appeared on her face. Rose! Get the mop. She again commanded, piercing me with her eyes. There are not words for some feelings. I was angry about the superior tone, but excited. I felt as if I was getting goosed. Ever felt that way? Our eyes met again. Hers were wide with excitement. GO! I turned and walked swiftly down the hall to the broom closet. I heard her say, Good Girl!. My guts churned. I was terrified. I had to quit this job now. Yet I felt so deeply happy.I was off the next day, but when I let myself in, in the morning, my coverall had a false tail sewed on it, and a tight fitted hood with floppy ears. I was alone. I slipped the hood on, looked in the mirror and just had a great laff. It was Goofy! I even did an Aw Gawrsh. I heard Doc drive in and pulled the hood off. Then I thot, well, I'll play your game, and pulled it back in place. Amy, her nick, came in, took a long look. Its becoming, but I'll have to spiff you up a little. We both laffed, and I went about my duties. I caught occassional glimpses of my reflection, here and there, and looked like a living cartoon animal escaped from Epcot. Once I told Amy that I wished it didn't look so much like Goofy. Another laffing session. She said more like Pluto, actually. That was the color of the overalls.It wasn't too long after that, when I was helping her giving a bitch an exam when I was propelled across the next horizon. She was using her peremptory command voice and by now I was totally subdued and responsive to it. While the exam was proceeding she was telling me that I needed more sensitivity to the animals. She thot I was super, but could improve. I was agreeing. I liked her and I liked working with these animals. Other than a few of the owners, what's not to like?Exam over, dog untethered, and taken down. Amy turned to me. Princess, she said, while I put Brenda away, strip down, put on that collar and crawl up on the table. Get out a #2 exam tray and a #7 Innoculation tray first and put them on the tabouret. Then she left the room with Brenda in tow. Strip down and crawl up on the table, Princess? Run, Rose, run!Only thing was, I love being ordered around, and I was now conditioned to obeying her. I got out the trays, stepped into a corner, kicked off my shoes and dropped my jeans. As I folded them, I tried to think. What is happening? What will she do? Did I hear right? I laid my jeans on the chair. I slipped off my sweatshirt and sox. Boy! Am I ever a sexy dresser, I thot, looking at my washed out junk. Then I thot, I am crazy. she'll come in and beat me and throw me out. I folded my bra and laid it on the chair, and then my pants. That was like letting go of a life line. I crawled up on the cold stainless exam table, buckled on the collar and curled up. Dr Maya litterally blew in. Goooood GIRL ! She scratched my ears as I got up on hands and knees. She tethered me to a small post at the top of the table, and I was flopped over onto my side. My front feet were quickly looped in the strap and hobbled to the post, and my left hind leg was propped up, holding me in position for the exam. I could move only a little.I want to recall those feelings, but I can not. I think I was standing in the room, watching. I wanted to be IN my body, feeling. Amy did a complete, new patient exam, and dictated entries that I would later be typing up. Then she rolled the intervaginal scope over and turned it on. Basically, this is a tube. Inside the tube are a fiber light tube, small forceps, pneumatic tubes for holding a bolus, and a scope that brought the picture back to display on a monitor right above my head.Cold. I said. Silence. Bitches do not talk. I will give you a spray of bark stop. She did not have to tell me to watch the monitor. Do you know that one can be humiliated in front of themselves? What bothered me was I consented. I was in this handbasket of my choosing. See that, Princess? That's your cervix. It means neck. Tap tap, Look! Its opening. We'll see if we can slip in. Yes, this is working. This is your womb. I bet you are surprised that you have one. This is your fallopian tube. You have two. I'm not going up this just now, but that is where we will place the doggie eggs some day soon. I kept my mouth shut. I did not want my voice sprayed away, even temporarily. The apparatus was removed. She pinched the skin between my thigh and abdomen and administered a shot. Mostly vitamins, she said, but some other things too. I want you to make meticulous notes on any feelings you might have as a result. I was released from the table and stood watching. Dr Maya turned and with a glare said SIT! I sat, like a dog, wondering if I should let my tongue hang out.That's a goooood girl. I was again patted on the head. I have never patted a dog's head since then. Lightly scratch, yes. Pat? Try it on yourself sometime. Rose, I will never do anything you do not want. Just now, I know what you want more completely than you do. We are going to have a most wonderful adventure. I will invite you to ask for things, and often tell you to do things. but you can refuse anything anytime. No, I can't, I said. Well, Rose, I know that. But I will not take too much advantage of you. Back to being a woman now. Temporarily. (smile) Clean this up, then shower and dress. She slapped my rump. You're so thin.